DJ Absolut is a raging idiot

So, as usual, it’s somewhere past midnight and I’m making my nightly internet rounds with Hot 97 on in the background. DJ Absolut is babbling on in between, and often during, songs in his usual imbecilic banter. Talking alot, but saying absolutely nothing, spewing forth a constant stream of hip-hop’s most cliched phrases: “It’s going down!”; “This is for the streets!”; “You know how we do!”; “This is a good look!”; “Come on!”; “Big shout out to such-and-such!”; “Let’s go!”; “This record is crazy!”. These favored expressions, and everything else that comes out of his mouth, are, of course, interspersed every few sentences with “Naw’msayin’?” or it’s equally meaningless and banal cousin, “‘Nawmean?”

This isn’t even why he’s an idiot.

As he comes back from a commercial break, he begins by telling us that Jay-Z has a new song out (‘Show Me What You Got’) and that it reminds him alot of another Jay-Z single, one from The Blueprint 2.

This still isn’t even why he’s an idiot.

Mr. Absolut says that the name of this song is ‘Hovi’s Baby.’ Not ‘Hovi Baby,’ but ‘Hovi’s Baby.’

‘Hovi’s Baby,’ as in, if Mr. and Mrs. Knowles Carter had conceived.

‘Hovi’s Baby,’ as in, if they’d got their Brad & Angelina on and picked up their own little Zahara while they’re over on that African tour.

‘Hovi’s Baby,’ as in, Memphis Bleek.

Over the next 7 or 8 minutes, in which he mixes back and forth between ‘Show Me…’ and ‘Hovi Baby,’ DJ Should Lose His Job Immediately continues to mis-refer to the song at hand at least ten times.


Are you not a fairly high-paid, fairly well-known DJ that specializes in RAP music? Are you not on the most well-respected and well-known RAP music radio stations in the country? Do you not fairly consistently produce fairly decent mixtapes that feature nothing but RAP music? As such, should you not know the correct title of pretty much every Jay-Z song ever?

I mean, come onnnnnnn, man. As my dad oftentimes told me, get your shit together.

BONUS – On a new Young Jeezy & T.I. (and maybe somebody else that I missed) song, Mr. 17-5 says something to the effect of “every morning when I wake up I brush my teeth, I ain’t e’en gotta floss.” Uhhhh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Jeez. You’re one of those fat dudes who always kinda looks like they’re real sweaty. If I was you, I’d probably scratch off everything on the personal hygeine checklist that I could.


One response to “DJ Absolut is a raging idiot

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